this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
