listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
