I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
All the doctor said was why
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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