tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
