There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
