yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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