dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
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