Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Someone came in the potted fern
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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