dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
