if i can run in heels then i can drive
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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