it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
