He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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