Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
