I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
