Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
