Non-Jews are for practice
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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