I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
