I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
