i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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