Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Oh god it's open bar.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
