your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
