the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
how does that bad decision feel?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
