im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
