Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
