how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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