you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
