guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
