This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
