Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
