I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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