i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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