I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
