wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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