I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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