I seem to have left my pride at pride
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
