that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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