Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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