she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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