I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
