hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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