I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
