morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
