Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
