the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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