I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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