$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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