i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
