Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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