Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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