so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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