Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Two words: blizzard sex
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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