woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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