you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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