The maid of honor just puked.
is wine microwaveable?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
