It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Randomize
