we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
