Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
