I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
