It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
