Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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