It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You're earring is so big in my mouth
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
