Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
