Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
