he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
