my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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