I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
