just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
