Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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