Where did you get a picture of my penis
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
